Brown Eyed Devil (1)

Life never lived up to my expectations. I could of done so much better. It cost me my soul for me to realize that. I have sat in many rooms in my life. But nothing…no room can prepare one for knowing the last room you will ever sleep in. Knowing the last breath you will ever take. I didn’t know the last time I would lay in the sun. I didn’t think to take the time to lay in the sun. I didn’t think. I am writing this because I don’t want others to not live up to life expectations. I am writing this before it’s too late for others like it is too late for me. Hell makes you think of others. Once you are stuck in it. You see the despair you are in and the only thing you can think of is…”No one else!” It is not true that men think of themselves, only. Men are not made to only serve themselves and there own purposes. I want whoever to read this to know that I am thinking of you. I can’t see you…I don’t know you. But I want you to know that I am thinking about you even before I burn. I can see you…your eyes greedily eating every line. I hope that my words feed you and fill your doubts. It is true…dead men tell no lies. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow I die.

My name is Andre Atele. I am 23 years old. I am going to die tomorrow at 12:00 pm at the hands of the state of Kansas. Like most men who are forced to know the exact time, date and method of there death I am forced to look at the way I lived my life. As I look closer to my life, as my death inches closer to see every single mistake I made I see now. I was blind before. I see every single step I took toward my death. Never before was I so close to death and didn’t know it. As I look over my life now I see everything as If I am dead now. I see things as ‘the last time.’ The last city I ever lived in, Olathe Kansas. I came to the city with my last girlfriend I ever had. We had been dating for about 1 year. I got a job in Kansas City and we moved with me from Des Moines. We lived not 30 minutes from the City in a simple 2 bedroom apartment. I was chasing time. Living life how life allowed. I never considered myself a bad person. I lied stole, cursed, and chased my fair share of woman. But I wasn’t a bad person. I was a pawn in a game. A chess piece with limited moves and options. I didn’t realize that I had long decided what side of the board I would play for. The move to Olathe was just me being moved up a square. Nothing changed. I still played for the same team