I counted the ways

I have nothing but thoughts of you in my mind. So please don’t hold it against me if I laugh when I write. Every letter I write to you is like the very first one. I know what I want to say but not how. I know why I want to say it but not when. I don’t know what to say.

What can I say that I haven’t already?
“I love you.”
“I need you.”
“You are everything to me.”

What can I say that I haven’t already?
“Don’t leave me.”
“I miss you.”
“I think about you always.”

What can I say that I haven’t said already?
“I cant write without you.”
“I can barely breath without you.”
“I don’t ever want you gone.”

What can I say that I haven’t already? Yet every time we talk on the phone it can easily last hours. And every time we see each other time can never go slow enough. We go to sleep thinking about each other and wake up talking to each other.

A sonnet by Elizabeth Browning starts off: “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Ever since you spoke to me that you wish me to never utter my love for you I have kept count in my head off all the times and ways you bring love to my lips. Every time you make me want to run and climb on top of a building and yell out “Alfina!....I love you!” But I don’t. I remain clam while under your control and keep myself content with your smile. The past two days with you filled me with admiration for you. I still remember Tuesday sitting in the part listening to me ramble on and on. And even though I did not speak them many thoughts about you floated around with the smoke in my mind. I love your joy. Your smile. Your laugh. To count the number of smiles you give me would be too easy. Your smile is love. Instead I count your eyes. I remember I asked you why you poke fun at me so much, you said ‘love.’ I thought about it. I wanted to tell you how I felt as well. I saw your eyes. And I saw that you loved me. I counted the ways. I remember how you are always so quick to pick up lint off me or stray debris from my clothes. Yet at the same time you put your own stray hair over me. I saw your eyes, and I counted the ways. We always play around and joke. Our mutual love for each other allows us to confide and trust one another. I see your eyes when I help you with English papers. I counted the ways. You make bets with me so I don’t go out and buy you things. I see your eyes, and I counted the ways. I could give you the world…and you would still thank me for it. I counted the ways.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee with all my heart even if your did not return it.
I love thee so that I can live without bread and water, but not without your love.
I love thee that your words I put ahead of my own, no matter what I say.
I love thee and my soul has dreams about being with you.
I love thee, words cannot explain it.
I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life, and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.